Friday , September 25, 2015

Team Perez: A Little Off-Week Non-Mullet Chatter

Pat Perez recently wrapped his FedExCup Playoffs run and is prepping to head across the pond for a European Tour event—the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship, taking place at St. Andrews, Carnoustie and Kings Barn, with action getting underway October 1st.

Once back in the States, Perez will dive into the PGA Tour’s fall season, heading to Napa and Las Vegas back-to-back while expected to play events in Malaysia, Mexico and possibly Sea Island (GA). 

Between the off-week and so much general seriousness in the world right now, seemed like a good time to lighten moods with some down-time, hair-related chatter—mullets versus long-flowing rocker hair.

With most Tour pros opting for shorter locks—while others deal with the standard male pattern baldness that comes with this phase of adulthood—Perez decided to get-his-flow-on a few years back, growing his mane out starting early 2013.

Two years later the 14-year PGA Tour pro sports a pelt that looks more Master Of Puppets than The Masters—which is perfectly in line with Perez’s I-do-what-I-want personality. 

Where the hairstyle has brought some confusion over the past year—the fact that Perez is most often in the public eye while on a golf course, rocking a flat-brim Callaway Golf hat that covers everything but the ears down; hiding the front and showcasing the flow.

The result? A whole lotta misguided mullet-related chatter.  

Perez was a recent guest on theCHIVE’s podcast (featured on Podcast One and available via iTunes.) During the course of the interview with hosts John Resig and Bob Phillipp, Phillpp pulled a recent quote from golf columnist Michael Bamberger; one of many in the golfing community to confuse long hair with being mulletastic.

“Pat Perez is a tough guy. The Tour needs more like him. He plays fast, says what he thinks and lets his freak flag fly,” wrote Bamberger in mid-August for

“He reminds me of Lanny Wadkins. I’ve always liked him. As for his hair—a jet-black mullet on steroids—Perez is closer to pulling off the Alice Cooper look than Alice.”

Phillipp’s recalling of Bamberger’s quote during the taping of the podcast proved to be the tipping point, with Perez using this platform and monster-sized audience to finally set the record straight.

“First of all, do people actually know what a mullet is and where it started,” Perez asked Phillipp and Resig in a humorous tone. “This hair right here—this is not a mullet,” he expressed, while removing his hat off and grabbing his chin-length hair up front. 

“This is like rocker hair. Would anybody say that Dave Navarro (guitarist for Jane’s Addiction) has got a mullet? No, it’s not a mullet. It’s full hair all the way around—it just happens to be long.”

The animated explanation continued once Perez realized he’d gotten his hosts properly fired up. 

“You want to see a real Tennessee Waterfall, you go to somewhere in the south. You want to see a Mississippi Mudflap? It’s side here, shaved up here, you got the jorts with the white Reeboks on; that’s where mullet comes from.”

Resig’s simple response; “That’s a flowing mane,” while pointing to Perez’s salad. 

Per the official definition at Urban Dictionary a mullet is described as, “A hairstyle in which the front is cut trim, but the back is long, left wild and often uncut. Even when the back is cut, it is still longer than the front. It is the sign of the redneck.”

In line with Perez’s “mudflap” and “waterfall” references, the site also listed the following monikers for the loved, hated and feared “mullet”: Ape Drape. Beaver Paddle. Bi-Level. Camero Cut. Business In The Front, Party In The Back. Canadian Passport. Coupe Longveuil. El-Camino. Hockey Hair. Missouri Comprimise. Neckwarmer. Ranchero. Shlonc (short + long). Achy-Breaky-Bad-Mistakey. Soccer Rocker. Squirrel Pelt. Tennessee Tophat. Yep-Nope.

By definition, the debate appears settled as Perez’s up-front business isn’t short and the back—wild at times—will get a clean-up before the Tour’s fall season gets underway. Whatever the case, there should be a Pantene or Head & Shoulders rep on the phone with Team Perez working up a fresh campaign for 2016.

#MakeAmericasHairGreatAgain might be a great place to start. Derpy Mullety Andre agrees. 


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